Mars Needs Moms

Movie Marathon Of Flops

We all love catastrophic failures, and Hollywood flops can single-handedly lose hundreds of millions of dollars, bankrupt entire studios, and ruin prestigious careers. A movie marathon of flops would be like watching a train transporting a load of fireworks smashing into an orphanage located on an active volcano during a Sharknado. You know you couldn’t look away.

However, just because a movie wasn’t a commercial success doesn’t mean it isn’t good. In fact, the most spectacular flops have great production values simply based on the sheer amount of money spent on them. I think a movie marathon of flops has some real untapped potential. It is going to be an entertaining spectacle one way or another.

However, to put together a decent flop movie marathon schedule, the key thing we need to know is: how much money was lost in bringing this cinematic experience to you? The answer is harder to figure out than you might think. Hollywood has strange and secretive accounting practices, which are only amplified when they just lost a ton of money.

So, knowing that the best we can do is form an educated guess, I found some decent flop lists (with financial figures) on Wikipedia, CNBC, the the-numbers.com. Each list disagreed with the other in terms of the movies on the list, and how much money was lost, and one of them wasn’t adjusted for inflation. So, what I did was take an average based on the numbers from each list (when available), and adjusted for inflation as needed. That sounds a lot like science, in that math is involved.

And so, I came up with a list (dollar amounts are in 2014 dollars).

Top 20 Movie Flops, Based on Total Loss

MovieYearEstimated Loss
Mars Needs Moms2011-$144,439,582
Cuttthroat Island1995-$142,147,256
The Alamo2004-$134,784,016
John Carter2012-$133,289,640
The 13th Warrior1999-$133,127,431
The Adventures of Pluto Nash2002-$130,429,259
Sahara2005-$127,167,887
The Fall of the Roman Empire1964-$126,417,784
47 Ronin2013-$126,158,267
The Lone Ranger2013-$119,173,592
Town and Country2001-$115,352,672
How do you know?2010-$115,215,810
Heaven’s Gate1980-$112,748,057
Final Fantasy: The Spirits within2001-$108,125,697
Speed Racer2008-$106,054,234
Jack the Giant Slayer2013-$105,813,215
RIPD2013-$94,250,663
Inchon1982-$89,870,942
Treasure Planet2002-$83,833,389

Now, this is a fine list, but we have a 24-hour movie marathon format to satisfy. So, to get the most flop in the least amount of time, we’d want to schedule the biggest losers according to how much money they lost per minute of movie. That results in the following list.

Top 20 Movie Flops, Based on Dollars Lost Per Minute

MovieYearLoss / Minute
Mars Needs Moms2011-$1,641,359
The Adventures of Pluto Nash2002-$1,372,940
The 13th Warrior1999-$1,305,171
Cuttthroat Island1995-$1,146,349
Town and Country2001-$1,109,160
47 Ronin2013-$1,069,138
Sahara2005-$1,025,547
Final Fantasy: The Spirits within2001-$1,020,054
John Carter2012-$1,009,770
The Alamo2004-$983,825
RIPD2013-$981,778
How do you know?2010-$952,197
Jack the Giant Slayer2013-$928,186
Treasure Planet2002-$882,457
The Lone Ranger2013-$799,823
Solider1998-$797,095
Speed Racer2008-$785,587
The Fall of the Roman Empire1964-$672,435
Gigli2003-$644,311

Picking off the top of this list, and making a few creative choices along the way to create a decent schedule, I give you….

The World’s Best Movie Marathon of Flops

Start TimeTitleRuntimeLoss / Min
12:00 PMMars Needs Moms88 min.-$1,641,359
01:45 PMThe Adventures of Pluto Nash95 min.-$1,372,940
03:30 PMThe 13th Warrior102 min.-$1,305,171
05:15 PMCuttthroat Island124 min.-$1,146,349
07:30 PMTown and Country104 min.-$1,109,160
09:15 PM47 Ronin118 min.-$1,069,138
11:15 PMFinal Fantasy: The Spirits within106 min.-$1,020,054
01:15 AMJohn Carter132 min.-$1,009,770
03:30 AMThe Alamo137 min.-$983,825
06:00 AMHow do you know?121 min.-$952,197
08:15 AMJack the Giant Slayer114 min.-$928,186
10:15 AMTreasure Planet95 min.-$882,457
12:00 PMFinish

This movie marathon cost the studios an astounding $1,472,716,233 (that’s almost $1.5 BILLION dollars – adjusted for inflation) of their own money. These movies lost an average of $1,118,384 per minute of runtime. Awesome!

So hey – the next time you complain about movie ticket prices – remember – sometimes the studios take one for the team too.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.